Man Alive - Re-write, Re-write, Re-write

Writing an American Drama

For the past month I have been working developing our screenplay after a tutorial I had with Simon who gave me great feedback on my draft two. 

There were a few technical errors I had to address such as never using "!" in a script and not calling a character by "THE".

As discussed with Simon I also made some changes to scenes and story: 

Firstly I needed to make it more clear that Ethan would be using paper files, because of his distaste with technology.I had also developed this idea in the character profiles.

The scene where Marcus Cohen and Detective Tucker interview Ruth Harper was over long and in places unnecessary. I decided to keep the scene because it shows the connection the family have with the police, especially at the end where Ruth mentions she already has Tucker's number because of his child's party invitation hanging on the fridge. However I took on board the dialogue was too much, and so I spent time cutting it and reworking who said what. I feel it works better now.

There were also some cases where I needed to add more description so that we really get a feel for the surroundings and exactly what is happen. Two scenes that I have developed a lot because of this are when the whole of America is watching Harding's speech and the scene where Ethan drives around Hollywood. 

After talking with Simon I realised a lot of the speeches where over long as well. These I have condensed and re-edited, most dramatically Harding's political rally and the news-report. 

The one major aspect that was lacking in the screenplay was a strong description of Coldmarsh as Ethan enters. By shortening other sections I have made way for this and am happy it sets the tone of the prison. 

After much editing, and developing of characters I have finished a sixth draft which I am happy to print as the final.