I went for dinner with John Leslie, to discuss initial ideas so that I could write down a few notes and get more of a sense of what his life has been like and the feelings he has. It was quite an emotional experience for him, but again he felt compelled to tell his story.
I asked him to visualize his illness, how would he describe it with images. First he said it was like a maze, he could never find the way out and every corner he turned he was scared what he might find, and ultimately feel.
I asked him to visualize his illness, how would he describe it with images. First he said it was like a maze, he could never find the way out and every corner he turned he was scared what he might find, and ultimately feel.
He said he was an educated man, but no one gave him the correct map for life, it was like everyone else had a different one. People were laughing at a joke and not telling him the punch-line.
In a depressive episode he felt like the waves were crashing, a huge storm was coming and he just wanted to be in the sea, for it to take him (He has surfed on and off all his life and believes this is his time of serenity).
When he is in a manic phrase, everything looks inviting, like you have a different set of glasses on, it’s all in supersonic speed. He feels omnipotent - the feeling of unlimited power.
John says Bipolar is like being on a rope, you can climb a bit, but you always know you might fall at any-moment, in fact you will fall, and it takes a hell of a lot to keep pulling yourself back.
John was very emotional when I asked him if any of his ancestors had bipolar (all suffers would have had someone before them in their family), he became tearful and whispered his dad. I didn’t push the subject further, he said he would be willing to talk about that another time. He also mentioned his spending, and that he would not have owned a successful multimillion pound company if he did not have bipolar, but it was the illness that indeed took it all away from him too. He now lives in a small bungalow, on his own.
His bungalow is quite shocking, he doesn’t seem to want to admit he has a hoarding problem as well. Although he did admit when he was younger his father was very neurotic and would chuck away his toys after a week if he hadn’t played with them. He can’t ever throw anything away now, everything has value.
John is also a recovering alcoholic, though he believes this was due to self medication for 40 years of his life, he wasn't diagnosed with bipolar until his late 50’s. He believes bipolar is the root cause and the reason for his other illnesses.
We want to film him in his natural environment, playing his guitar, working at a bootfair, delivering his chemicals (He now runs a small company making his own cleaning chemicals), eating out, going for walks etc. I also want to explore the idea of taking him back to his home town in Bexley Heath/Sidcup and have him take us to the places that effected his life. We also have access to archive footage should we wish to use it, home videos, and photographs etc.
I want to finish with him on the downs, looking out over the world below him, a sense that he has completed his journey of knowledge and is now starting a new journey, in hope of one day finding serenity.
In a depressive episode he felt like the waves were crashing, a huge storm was coming and he just wanted to be in the sea, for it to take him (He has surfed on and off all his life and believes this is his time of serenity).
When he is in a manic phrase, everything looks inviting, like you have a different set of glasses on, it’s all in supersonic speed. He feels omnipotent - the feeling of unlimited power.
John says Bipolar is like being on a rope, you can climb a bit, but you always know you might fall at any-moment, in fact you will fall, and it takes a hell of a lot to keep pulling yourself back.
John was very emotional when I asked him if any of his ancestors had bipolar (all suffers would have had someone before them in their family), he became tearful and whispered his dad. I didn’t push the subject further, he said he would be willing to talk about that another time. He also mentioned his spending, and that he would not have owned a successful multimillion pound company if he did not have bipolar, but it was the illness that indeed took it all away from him too. He now lives in a small bungalow, on his own.
His bungalow is quite shocking, he doesn’t seem to want to admit he has a hoarding problem as well. Although he did admit when he was younger his father was very neurotic and would chuck away his toys after a week if he hadn’t played with them. He can’t ever throw anything away now, everything has value.
John is also a recovering alcoholic, though he believes this was due to self medication for 40 years of his life, he wasn't diagnosed with bipolar until his late 50’s. He believes bipolar is the root cause and the reason for his other illnesses.
We want to film him in his natural environment, playing his guitar, working at a bootfair, delivering his chemicals (He now runs a small company making his own cleaning chemicals), eating out, going for walks etc. I also want to explore the idea of taking him back to his home town in Bexley Heath/Sidcup and have him take us to the places that effected his life. We also have access to archive footage should we wish to use it, home videos, and photographs etc.
I want to finish with him on the downs, looking out over the world below him, a sense that he has completed his journey of knowledge and is now starting a new journey, in hope of one day finding serenity.
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